If store décor was any indication it seemed we’d decided to skip Thanksgiving this year. Everything in stores went from Halloween to Christmas even before October 31. Fortunately, commerce doesn’t have to dictate our lives. Gratitude—giving thanks—is too powerful to ignore. It changes our physiology, sending more blood to our prefrontal cortex for better problem-solving. It puts us in a more positive mood, increasing optimism. It improves relationships. People who consider themselves successful are more grateful even before their success happens. All too often we experience gratitude only from whether we like the circumstances, but in doing so, we give our power away to circumstances. We may have little control over the situation, but we can have control over HOW we respond to the situation. That’s where having a gratitude practice can come in handy. We can actually be grateful even when we don’t prefer the situation we have. There are three kinds of gratitude. The first kind is IF/WHEN something happens. We feel grateful IF something we prefer happens, or WHEN it happens. I will be grateful IF/WHEN my child comes home for the holidays, or I get to ride in a hot air balloon for the first time. It is based on circumstances that haven’t happened yet. It means that we aren’t feeling grateful until it happens.
The second kind of gratitude is being grateful FOR something. Something I prefer has happened. I like it. I may be grateful, in the moment, that someone brought pecan pie for Thanksgiving dinner, or when I see that the price of gasoline has fallen below $3.00 a gallon before my trip out of town. I look around and notice that something I prefer is present. This is still circumstances-based, but it is something I am experiencing at the time I feel the gratitude.These kinds of gratitude are limiting because the circumstance has the power. The third and most beneficial kind of gratitude is being IN gratitude or coming FROM gratitude. It is a choice. It is developed through a practice. Every time something happens that is not your preference, you choose to look for something in it to be grateful for. What is the lesson to be learned? What is the benefit in the situation? It’s been likened to having an “attitude of gratitude.” When someone you are interacting with is rude, it provides an opportunity to learn greater tolerance, forgiveness or patience. When the sale of a house falls through, you look for reasons the house you end up buying is better for you or others. Maybe you have the opportunity to be a blessing to the new neighbor you would not have met if you had bought the other house. This is the gratitude that allows us to be aware of what is around us so that we can notice the good. We get to appreciate even the little things. We stop and smell the roses, listen to the birds, watch the butterfly flit from flower to flower. We savor the moment. When we are only looking at the circumstances to base our gratitude on, there is a part of us comparing what we have with what we want. It may feel like a sense of lack because of the comparison. Coming FROM gratitude is more holistic. To enjoy nature, for instance, is to recognize that every flower, every butterfly is beautiful in its own right. There are events in our lives that are much more challenging to see the good in. Gratitude of this kind requires a decision. This is the kind of gratitude one has when the car breaks down on the way to grandma’s house, or when someone you love dies. This is the kind of gratitude that doesn’t make sense. It requires faith. It requires backing up from the problem far enough to see things from a different, more positive perspective.Let’s say you are watching Harry Potter: The Sorcerer’s Stone, and you turn it to slow motion to watch the scene where Harry’s cousin Dudley has fallen into the python’s enclosure at the zoo. Your roommate walks in and sees Dudley’s terrified face. To your roommate, it looks like something really bad is happening. But once you return to normal speed, its obvious that it is a very funny scene in which Dudley is safe, the snake is grateful for its release and Harry is laughing uproariously. When we are in the midst of our lives, and experiencing it close-up, frame by frame, something can seem terrible. Given a little time or emotional distance, we can see that something good could come from it. This kind of gratitude assumes that this will be the outcome, that the greater perspective is there even if we don’t see it in the moment. You may, like me, be able to say that your biggest, most positive transformation happened because of one of the worst times in your life. It hurt, and there was real risk. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But because of that, my understanding of God, grace and forgiveness grew exponentially. I wish I could say I was grateful IN the situation. I can’t. But I can say I have learned to trust the Divine Ballet enough to be grateful IN most any situation. Even when the situation itself may not be good, I trust that there is some good that will come from it, allowing me to be grateful IN the situation. Its taken practice to get there.The more we have a practice of gratitude, the easier it is to be stay in gratitude in all aspects of our lives. So, enjoy your Thanksgiving Day, and come FROM gratitude when it doesn’t all go as planned.
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